i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
