I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
