can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
