I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
