You can't motorboat a personality
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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