do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
