can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
