I just made out with a guy for $7.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Rumble strips road head = magical
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
