Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
