I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My first STD was from a foam party
the condom got lost in my hair
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
