Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
