I think I died a long time ago.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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