My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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