I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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