If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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