someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
