yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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