ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
