every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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