Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
