So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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