I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You are the jesus of drinking
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
