yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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