I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
