I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She needs sedatives and a leash
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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