I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
