i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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