I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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