so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
