I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
