That's intense
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
