Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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