So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
