need another drink. this is the easiest way
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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