I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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