I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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