I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
