I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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