never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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