someone get that fucking seahorse.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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