You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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