ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
