I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
