Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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