Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
