dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
