Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Randomize
