I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
