she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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