OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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